bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
