these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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