I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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