But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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