NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
