Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
