The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
