Where did you get a picture of my penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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