I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
