I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im holly from the hills drunk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
