It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
