Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
