I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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