So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
