Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
