Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
