there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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