I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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