life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
