WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
