oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
