Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We have started to decorate penises.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
