Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
