Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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