I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
