Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
