before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
