Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize