i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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