garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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