operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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