If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
