Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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