We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
