I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
