shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
