It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
