Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
