Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize