hotel room ftw
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
