butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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