I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
