my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
