i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He has the fingertips of a God
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize