Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
