I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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