grandma shit on top of the toilet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
