i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
