i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think i have two assholes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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