So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
