How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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