after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
