the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
