tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
