The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
