She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
