Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
