Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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