Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
