im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
