Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
