no, he came in my armpit
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
