if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
