Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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