Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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