Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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