Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize