Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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