I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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